


Brian Diaries: China 2014

by DreamingOf4A



Series: Brian diaries [3]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: 2014 Cup of China, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, Gen, Guilt, M/M, injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 09:59:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11666829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingOf4A/pseuds/DreamingOf4A
Summary: Brian in the aftermath of Yuzuru's accident in Cup of China 2014.





	Brian Diaries: China 2014

**Author's Note:**

> Getting serious... This was actually the first one I wrote. Obviously, many references to the accident, thoughts and feelings throughout the whole thing. My theme writing this was: "How might Brian have really felt during the whole thing, behind the strong, calm front he had to put up for Yuzu?"

_Disclaimer: This story is fiction and does not in any way reflect on the real life people that share their names with these characters. It is also not intended to offend or disrespect and it exists simply because I find it really interesting to imagine how other people - potentially - live their lives._

Throwing his bag on an armchair and his card key on the table, Brian sat heavily on his bed.

It was long past midnight and he felt like that had been the longest FP day of his life. And it probably had.

He hadn’t been able to join Yuzuru at the hospital after his program, because he’d had to take his student’s place at the press conference. Yuzuru had insisted on it, because he didn’t want fans worrying.

He’d been ready to hop in a car and rush to the hospital as soon as that was over, but before he could, he had received a message from Mr. Kikuchi.

“Yuzu ok. Meet at hotel.”

Brian had seriously doubted Yuzu was in any way ok, with the pummeling he’d gotten. But he’d happy to hear it was nothing bad. If they were letting him go back to the hotel, that meant there was no chance of concussion, too.

He’d been shocked by how hard the relief hit him.

Even though he’d trusted the American doctors’ assessment, they had still been unwilling to clear Yuzu for skating. So Brian had agreed to take full responsibility. Yuzuru didn’t know. He thought himself an adult and believed he'd made the decision. But actually, Brian had had the last word. 

Yuzuru’s mother, for once, had been back at the hotel, with a bit of a cold. Brian could only imagine how she must have been feeling.

He’d talked to Kikuchi. The man had told him he was reluctant to let Yuzuru skate as well. “But Yuzu stubborn. Want skate no matter what.” Of course, Brian knew that, too.

He’d let the Japanese man contact and reassure Mrs. Hanyu, while he’d hovered by Yuzuru’s side and quickly weighed the pros and cons. The biggest pro was Yuzuru’s expression. Terrified but determined not to give up. In pain but gritting his teeth, because that pain was nothing compared to what this kid had already gone through. Crying, but wiping his tears away as soon as they came up, refusing to accept them.

Brian had decided then he couldn’t tell Yuzu he couldn’t skate. Instead he’d decided to let Yuzuru decide if he could do it or not, while expressing support for whichever decision he would take.

He’d refused to think about the possible negative consequences, but steeled himself to bear the responsibility of whatever happened.

His gut feeling had just told him Yuzuru needed to get back on the ice ASAP. Or the emotional trauma would be much worse. Much worse than what, he wasn’t sure.

But after the adrenaline of the competition wore off, alone in his hotel room, waiting for the call that Yuzu was back from the hospital, to go see him, Brian was shaking.

He’d gambled Yuzuru’s career, even his life…

Shaking his head before the thoughts could get darker, he picked up his phone.

He’d sent Raj a message as soon as the troubles started. “Yuzu had an accident. I don’t know when I’ll be back from the hospital. I’ll send a message, but don’t wait up.”

As he checked, he saw Raj had replied almost immediately. “Ok. Good luck. Don’t message, call. I’ll wait.”

Brian silently cursed himself. He should have known Raj would wait. He’d want to hear Brian and hear what happened from Brian’s own mouth. Without wasting more time, he called his partner.

It took a few rings, but then there came the click of the phone connecting.

“Hi. I just saw your message.” Brian said, feeling bad for the few minutes he’d spent spacing out.

“It’s ok.” Raj said easily. “How are you? How’s Yuzu?”

“I’m fine. Yuzu apparently is, too, though I haven’t seen him yet. I mean, not since they took him to the hospital. I didn’t go with him, he wanted me to take care of things for him at the rink. Press and stuff.”

“Hmm… I see.”

“What?” Brian asked, knowing the other man enough to realize he saw something Brian hadn’t.

“Yuzu really trusts you.”

“Eh?”

“He asked YOU to take care of that stuff. Speak for him, basically. When he has the whole army of JSF staff who could do it for him.”

“That… I hadn’t thought of that…”

“Tell me what happened.”

“Raj, I know you always watch the competitions. God knows how you find streams for some of them, but you always watch. You know what happened.”

“I only know what they showed on TV. I don’t know what you saw and felt.”

Brian had to pause at that, emotionally overwhelmed. He wasn’t sure if it was, again, the proof of how much his partner - his lover - cared for him, or the thought of reliving those terrifying moments when Yuzu just wouldn’t get up…

Before he could regroup himself, there was a knock on his door. At such a late hour, it could only be someone from Yuzu’s team.

“Raj, someone’s here from Yuzu. I’m sorry, I’ll call you back!”

“No problem. I’ll wait.”

Brian quickly stood up, called out an “I’m coming” and rushed to open the door. He nearly fell over backwards when he found Yuzu himself there, in a wheelchair, with slightly messy hair and a sheepish smile.

“Yuzu!”

“Hi! I wanted to let Brian know I’m ok, so Brian can rest well.”

“Yuzu… oh, come in!”

“Is ok? Very late…”

“It's ok, don’t worry. I was just talking to Raj.”

After the casual mention, Brian realized he rarely mentioned Raj to Yuzu. They’d met a few times, but not much. He wondered if he subconsciously expected Yuzu and his family and team to be more conservative and less appreciative of his openly same sex relationship… In fact, he realized, he had no idea how Yuzuru felt about the topic… Although he was a Johnny Weir fan…

“Oh, sorry for interrupt!”

“No, no, don’t worry. I was just telling him I haven’t seen you since they took you to the hospital. How was it? What did they say?”

“No concussion. Cut and stitches here and here.” Yuzu pointed at the right side of his head, where the stitches were visible, and his chin. Many bruise. Oh and sprain ankle…”

“Nothing broken?”

“No.”

“That’s good at least.”

“Tomorrow go to Japan. Get more detail check. Tonight just check concussion, breaks and stitch cuts.”

“Makes sense. Good thing Japan isn’t very far.”

Yuzuru nodded. “That why Japan, not Canada.”

“Yes.”

“Brian go home.”

“Yuzu…”

“No. Nam needs Brian. Javi needs Brian. I probably need rest, so no point in Brian come to Japan.”

The coach was slightly annoyed that Yuzuru knew he’d wanted to fly to Tokyo with him. He also hated having to hear news about Yuzuru’s situation second-hand. At least Kikuchi was usually more on his side than JSF’s. So he could probably count on the man for accurate information. But still...

“Brian…”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.” Yuzuru said, bowing as he could in his wheelchair.

“What for?”

“Letting me skate. I know hard decision. Many will say bad things.”

“They already do.”

“Yes. But I think good decision. So thank you.”

“You’re welcome, I guess. But you’re the one who made it worth it. You were really amazing, Yuzu. I don’t think I could have done it.”

“Many say stupid not amazing.”

“Well, one has to be a little stupid to be amazing sometimes.”

Yuzuru laughed at that and Brian couldn’t believe how good it felt to hear him laugh.

He realized then he’d failed to keep one of his self imposed promises. Again.

Not to care so much about a student again. Not after Yuna and the pain of that split. But he’d come to care about Javi so much that Javi was like a son to him. And now Yuzu, too.

Without thinking much, Brian bent down and hugged the boy. Yuzuru hugged back, albeit confused.

“Brian?”

“You really scared me today.”

“I get scared, too!”

“I’m sure you were. You did an amazing job, Yuzu. But, please, let’s never do this again!”

Yuzuru laughed again.

“Deal!”

“And one more thing…” Brian said, standing up again.

“Yes?”

“Please, please listen to the doctors’ advices and rest for as long as they tell you to!”

“I will. But I want go to NHK. No point in skate tonight if not go to NHK.”

“Of course there’s a point! But ok, I understand. We’ll analyze the situation as we get closer to NHK. But until then, behave!”

Yuzuru pouted a bit.

“Yuzu, trust me. You’re going to feel like you got run over by a whole bunch of trucks tomorrow! Rest!”

“Ok. I promise. But after, I train for NHK.”

“After, we talk about you training for NHK.”

Their equally stubborn eyes met and held and neither gave up. But Brian softened at the overall sight of Yuzu in a wheelchair again.

“Yuzu, it’s for your own good.”

The boy sighed. “I know.”

“I promise we’ll look for any possible option to have you compete at NHK. But only if it won’t impact your recovery.”

“Ok...”

“Good. Now, you should go sleep.”

“Yeah. Brian, too. Oh after talk to Raj… say Hi from me! And good night!”

“I’ll tell him. Good night Yuzu. Take care.” 

Brian smiled as Yuzuru wheeled himself out of the room.

He then immediately picked up his phone and called Raj again.

“That took a while.” Raj’s amused voice greeted him.

“Yeah, sorry. Oh, but Yuzu says Hi.”

“Oh, does he? Hi back!”

“I’ll tell him tomorrow. Sent him to bed now.”

“Hmm. So he’s fine?”

“Yeah… of course, bruised and battered. But no concussion and no broken bones.”

“That’s great.”

“It is. He’s also as stubborn as ever. Wants to compete at NHK.”

“Did you expect anything else?”

Brian chuckled.

“No, I did not.”

“I think it’s good he’s his usual stubborn self.”

“It is… I admit, when I saw him just laying there…”

“What?”

“... I feared it was over… His competition… his GP season… his overall season… worst, maybe his career…”

“It must have been terrifying…”

Brian sighed and let himself flop on the bed. 

“It was. He just wouldn’t get up. He does, sometimes, need a few moments to get himself up again. But tonight… he just wouldn’t get up. I wanted to yell at him to get up! Luckily, I still had some sense… he could have had spinal injuries, so standing up… bad idea.”

“True. But it was natural to feel like that.”

“I know… then they finally got him off the ice and at first I was a little relieved. He was standing, skating. He could talk. He looked scared and a bit shocked, but also worried and embarrassed and even a bit angry. It was all quite… Yuzu. You know?”

“Yeah.”

“But there was a lot of blood and I just kicked into gear. Getting him checked, patched up, trying to figure out if he’s fine… doing my best to stay calm…”

“You were both amazing tonight.”

Brian smiled and sighed as he let himself fall backwards on the bed.

“You don’t think I’m stupid to let him skate like that?”

“I think you know him a lot better than all those people claiming you shouldn’t have let him skate. I also  **know** how much you love him and that you would never let him do something that was ridiculously dangerous. Consciously or subconsciously, you knew he would be fine.”

Brian couldn’t really say anything to that. Except maybe “Thank you”, which he did whisper into the phone at one point.

“No need to thank me. If I ever think you did something stupid, I’ll tell you that, too. Oh like letting Javi skate in that ridiculous neon green and pink and such costume. That you both deserve to be spanked for!”

Brian laughed at that and was filled with love for his partner again, for being able to make him laugh even after such a day.

“Anyway, you should sleep.”

“Yeah…”

“Oh and don’t forget the Noodle.”

“... Noodle?”

“Nam. He was there right? He saw the crash and it might have been traumatizing for him. Seeing the man he probably thinks of as an older brother, like that"

“Shit. You’re right. I’ll send him a message, then sleep, then talk to him properly tomorrow.”

“Very good. Sleep well and see you soon!”

“You, too!”

Brian quickly typed up a message for Nam to reassure him Yuzu was fine, then took his pajamas and went into the shower.

It was time to try to go back to normal...


End file.
